What truly nurtures a scholar’s self-driven spirit? When you act like a taskmaster, constantly watching over your child, setting unachievable goals, criticizing and negating them when they don’t perform well, comparing them to others, it’s no wonder you’ll hear a resounding ‘What’s the point?’ when they can’t complete a simple task. Reward them with a toy or 50 dollars for good performance, and immediately scold and hit when they do poorly. Trust me, it won’t be long before your child moves like toothpaste; they won’t budge without constant prodding.

Before third grade, my son’s grades were mediocre, and his homework was slow and careless, enough to make one’s blood boil. The more I watched him, the worse he performed.

It wasn’t until I sought advice from a well-known senior teacher in our area that I understood that a parent’s exhausting efforts can actually undermine a child’s intrinsic motivation. This teacher shared a set of methods with us, which he had refined over 20 years of teaching and leading many high school graduates to the top of their classes. After my son tried these methods for half a year, his grades now consistently rank in the top three, occasionally first place. This method is best started in the first or second grade, but it’s never too late for older students to benefit. At the end of the video, we will mention resources we often use, in solidarity with fellow parents.

Let’s first talk about the pitfalls I fell into.

1. Constant nagging and supervision.
I truly regret spending so much energy on my child, urging him to do his homework every day, reminding him to review, and keeping an eye on him while he memorizes. Eventually, as soon as I started to speak, he would cover his ears, annoyed by me! He even developed a dislike for learning.

2. Inappropriate rewards and punishments.
To stimulate my child’s enthusiasm for learning, I once promised him a toy for every 10 extra points and a KFC meal if he made it into the top ten. Initially, this had some effect, but after a while, he began to bargain with me. Not to mention cultivating self-motivation, it scared me into stopping immediately! Such erroneous methods amplify children’s desires, and without rewards, they won’t improve!

Cultivating a child’s habits does require a mix of pressure and temptation, but don’t always use material rewards. To raise a child who is proactive and self-aware, spiritual rewards are more important than material ones. We later referred to the ‘Spiritual Reward List’ by a professor from the University of California, which we previously shared with everyone. Paired with the ‘Motivation Big Package,’ you can also have a child with an explosion of intrinsic motivation like in our home!

Now, let’s talk about how I cultivated my child’s learning power.

1. Stop being the overseer of learning, let the child be responsible for their own affairs. For instance, with waking up for school, we set the alarm and then leave him be. He was late at first and was caught and disciplined by the teacher twice, but he has never been late since.

2. Establish rules early on to cultivate habits. We put a lot of effort into correcting this, and I need to elaborate.
The first rule is to develop the habit of previewing lessons in advance and reviewing them regularly. Previewing allows children to attend classes with questions, doubling the effectiveness of their listening. Regular reviews help children remember more firmly, achieving the goal of reviewing the old and learning the new.

The second rule, develop the habit of extensive reading. Around 8 PM at our home, we have a 30-minute family reading time. The books we read are quite particular; I have never read garbage picture books like ‘Mi Xiaoquan’ to my child. What we read are more utilitarian books that can improve their horizons, thinking, and innovative abilities, books that are helpful for middle and high school exams. If you don’t know what to read to your child, you can reply with ‘book list’ and I can send you one!

The third rule, develop the habit of doing homework on time. After school, he should wash his hands, eat a piece of fruit, drink some water, and then start his homework. He is not allowed to play or watch cartoons until his homework is done.
We printed out an efficient homework schedule and stuck it on the table. After using it for a month, he can go to bed on time at 9:30 every day.

The fourth rule, establish short-term goals and long-term plans. Learning is like a long-distance run; how can one persist to the end without a goal? Each time I set a goal for my child, I take into account his actual learning situation and consult his opinion. First, set a short-term goal that can be achieved with a little effort, then create a plan that can be followed through, ensuring its completion. After a year of our efforts, the child’s grades have been able to consistently rank in the top three, occasionally first, proving its effectiveness.

Finally, there is some advice:
1. Turn learning content into ladder-like goals in games, turning your child’s learning into leveling up in games.
The method is simple: use this ‘Self-Motivation Cultivation Leveling Table,’ making learning as addictive as playing games, where the child plans their time, checks off items, and gets points and rewards in a timely manner. Why is it so effective? Just imagine the mental state you’re in when you’re playing to win, and you’ll understand.

2. Make good use of learning methods.
Instead of using flashcards to learn characters, which is too traditional and laborious, use ‘Little Sheep Climbing the Mountain’ and ‘Fast Reading Chinese Graded Readers,’ which are more efficient in learning characters through reading.

To improve your child’s focus, use the Feynman Technique or the Simon Learning Method.

If your child has a poor memory and finds it hard to memorize texts and poems, use the Ebbinghaus Forgetting Curve to enhance memory.

For older students who want to take notes more efficiently, we can use the Cornell Note-Taking System;

If your child has difficulty memorizing, use the ‘3-3-7 Morning Reading Method,’ reading without reciting, painless memorization, and finish a semester’s worth in a month.

Where can you find these learning methods? With the internet so advanced, you can find many. If you want to save trouble, you can use mine directly.